Medical Fu

Had a liver biopsy today, and it wasn't fun, though not as bad as I was given to believe. Back in the mid 90s, while undergoing a series of tests that would ultimately reveal inoperable pancreatic cancer, my uncle described his liver biopsy as the most painful thing he'd ever experienced. He swore if they ever wanted another, he'd refuse. Through the years, I have heard other tales of the painful procedure, one woman describing it as more painful than childbirth.

I am here to tell you that it was nothing like the worst pain I have ever felt. In fact, I barely remember the procedure, thanks to the miracle that is called "the twilight drug"... I have always reacted strongly to anesthesia--a little goes a long way for me, and they always have to revive me afterward, but even though they told me it wouldn't be very strong, more of a relaxing kind of thing,  I knew I was gonna be sleeping through the whole thing. And I did. Even though the chattiest prep nurse in history ramped up the degree of difficulty--in the brief span before the doctor came, and before she connected up the good drugs, I learned that she is the oldest of 6, put her mom in a home last year, is the most common-sensical member of her family, has a niece who is 18 and pregnant and lazy, has a nephew who is 25 and just quit his job of 4 years so he could continue a two week party streak with his buddies ( Oh, to be young again!)...kinda got in the way of my chi, as I was trying to ease into unconsciousness...fortunately, my unconsciousness skill set is highly developed, and about three seconds after the drug hit my vein I was gone. I woke up in the recovery room, confused at first and thinking that the procedure hadn't happened yet, and then when I discovered the bandage, enormous relief waved over me that I had escaped pain worse than childbirth. I could have taken it, but why? The miracle of modern medicine!! 

Tonight though, it feels like a very big guy hauled off and hammered me in the liver. They took three slices of it, and I thought I smelled sauteed onions coming from the next room.