In my never-ending quest to belittle people who are more successful than I, here are a few items which crossed my screen this morning:
Item #1:
Darrell Sandeen, the actor who played Buzz Meeks in LA Confidential (one of my favorite movies), died yesterday from injuries sustained in a fall. He will be buried in the crawlspace underneath his house. No truth to the rumor that he was last seen with a hooker cut to look like a famous movie star.
Item #2
And speaking of that last line, Halle Berry is, and I quote, “preparing” for a drastic haircut—she’s gonna shave her head bald for a role in her next movie, which is entitled, and I am not kidding here—Nappily Ever After.
According to IMDB.com, her decision to shave the noggin is inspired by a desire to make her 11 month old daughter proud of her career. She said, “"I don't want my daughter to look back at my work and think, 'Mom sold out.' I want to leave a legacy that she can be proud of."
Ok. A few things. First, preparing to shave her head? Is there a process to this preparation? Is she going to look at pictures of Bruce Willis and Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner? Is that part of the preparation? Will she have a coach?
And…Nappily Ever After? Really? I am going to say it again—Nappily. Ever. After. Her daughter will one day think, yeah, I know Mom won the Oscar for Monster’s Ball, and gave a gut-wrenching performance in it, but so what, you know? I never really knew how good she was till I saw Nappily Ever After. I mean, she was BALD, people! Now that is a legacy I can be proud of! And she did it for me! Took a look at all her film offers and thought to herself, “ Now which movie will make my daughter proud of me…hey, here’s one-- Nappily. Ever. After.”
Item #3
Leonardo DCaprio has come out against the Berlin Wall. Yes, let the chips fall where they may, he doesn’t care. This courageous star recently gave a speech in Berlin, and told the crowd that when he was 12, he came to Berlin to visit his grandmother—his oma, as he called her, for those 2 or 3 Germans who don’t speak English—and this forward-thinking, child savant saw even at his young age the significance of the Wall: “…even then I was able to see how a simple wall threatened people's freedoms. My oma (grandmother) took a picture of me in front of the wall the moment we came back from the East side, and I immediately pretended to push the wall down."
Later in the speech, Leo also courageously took a stand against the Holocaust, Nixon’s escalation of the Vietnam War into Cambodia, 19th century child labor laws, and the Spanish Inquisition.
I love the fact that he used the word “oma”. I wonder if the crowd cheered each time they heard a German word, like a concert audience when the band mentions a nearby local town? And maybe this emboldened him…the speech began to have more German words, each to applause and cheers---and then I—Aufheben (cheers)—walked along the –STASSE (applause and cheers)…looking for a PROSTITUEIRTE! (pandemonium)!
Item #4 (for those counting at home)
My favorite douchebag, Mickey Rourke, said recently he thought he would have a career like Al Pacino’s, and this made him think he was invulnerable. He says, “I wanted to be as big as Al Pacino. I thought my acting ability was enough so I didn't play by the rules, I ignored all the politics, I upset people and in the end I lost everything”
Of course, unlike the situation with most douchebags, with the Mick you need to read between the lines here. What he is really saying is that he was a maverick and a renegade, who didn’t suck ass and play by the Man’s rules—like Pacino obviously did—and so his career tanked.
Item #5
Salma Hayek was visiting Africa recently and picked up a little baby and breastfed him. Not kidding. Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzEKVcwx6a4
I understand her number of lunch requests have quadrupled since then.
My only complaint is that she is sharing her main qualifications with foreigners. Aren’t there starving people right here in America? Ohio, for instance. Grove City, if I may be specific? Just off Alkire Road, if you wanna be technical about it?
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