And here is a video shot on a day I wasn't there-- you can tell because the weather is nice...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Bad Gigs
Last year, during the run of Macbeth in Schiller Park, a cast-mate announced she'd booked a commercial, and after accepting the general congrats all around, smiled at me and said " I apologize, Mark"
This took me by surprise. Then I realized she must have heard me sound off about commercials at some point. She wasn't really apologizing, of course, just acknowledging that she remembered my opinions of the subject. Which are, when all is said and done, complicated.
First of all, I condemn no one for doing commercials. I recognize they are a necessary evil, and allow actors to make some extra cash, and in some cases, amazingly good cash. No problem with that at all. They're just not for me.
It's just that I didn't get into the performing racket to sell someone's products. I lack the acting talent, I suppose, to be enthusiastic about the Olive Garden, or auto parts. I admire those who can, but I wonder, also, if they aren't wasting their time and talents. Every time I see a douche commercial (and why must I be subjected to a douche commercial??), I look at the actress and think "Four years undergrad, two years MFA, all to sell douche products. Hey mom, your sacrifices for my college tuition finally paid off"
And it isn't really acting, is it? Actors can delude themselves into thinking it is, but it isn't. The objectives are entirely different. Many actors I know have to invent some sort of playable objective so they don't have to face the knowledge that they were not hired because they were talented--they were hired because they had a "look", and that "look" is to be used entirely in service to a dancing doughboy, or a Honda Civic.
However, commercials are one step ahead of the gig I resent the most--the walking costumes. People who hire actors to be in costume at their parties...this chaps my ass! It lacks dignity, and encourages the belief that actors are not "people of parts", to use the old Tudor expression. And yet so many actors are eager for the gig--so you'll see a wonderful actress, for example, with a four octave singing range, one who has trained in the best schools, wearing a Cinderella costume at a Disney party for some spoiled little brat on her 7th birthday. I burn when I see this.
Maybe my sense of dignity is too high. I don't even like taking photos in costume, in character, for publicity purposes. It feels undignified. If the paper wants my picture, they can use my head shot. Or a still from the play--one that wasn't set up for the camera, but rather was filmed while the action was going on.
It's all about money, I know. But that doesn't fly for me. Wait tables, drive cabs, work in call centers...these are honest labors, and don't dilute or cheapen the art form you've chosen to to do. I have been asked several times, recently, if I would be interested in starting up acting classes, and while I like the idea of it, I would feel like a failure if a student of mine ended up performing in a commercial. Maybe I could make them sign a pledge not to, before accepting them as students.
Trailer Park #7
Saturday the 21st was my penultimate shooting day. I don’t return again until April 12. It was a short day, compared to my other days. I arrived at 2:30 and was on the road home around 8pm. The good thing was that, other than the dinner break, there was little waiting around. Things moved along quite speedily, which is to my taste. I would have been perfect in an old Hollywood film, or a Roger Corman picture—just keep it moving, is my motto. Probably wouldn’t have been good for a Michael Cimino film, or one of those 70s auteurs… too much waiting, too many takes.
I met one of the main characters for the first time. Merri Biehler plays Flora, the character with all the guinea pigs, who eventually burns down her trailer. Odd. I’ve been on this picture since February, and she since January (she was in the first scenes shot), but we’ve never been on set the same time until now. I’ve filmed a number of scenes where I am supposed to be looking at her from my window, but of course I was just looking at an eye-line point, or a freezing grip.
Merri is a very sweet woman, and quite meticulous in her approach. Our styles on set are quite different. She constantly asks questions, seeks clarification, discusses all aspects of the shot and the set-ups, while I usually ask very little. I tend to stay in my own head. Most of the questions I do ask have to do with whether I can change a line, or asking where the frame line is (in other words, what is actually being seen in the shot. They say Brando was a master at acting within the frame—if his left arm was out of the shot, it remained at his side, while the right arm did all the gesturing. He also tended to wear only the costume pieces needed—if he was being shot from the waist up, he wasn’t wearing any pants.)
For Merri and me, it’s just a matter of style—neither is correct nor incorrect.
The guinea pigs were the stars of the day, actually. There were a number of cages set up in the trailer belonging to Merri’s character, and the guinea pigs were being shuttled in and out from their own trailer to the set trailer, presumably to stay warm. They were much noisier than the hamsters from a few weeks ago, and more skittish. Merri and I went to their warm trailer to get acquainted with them, and most protested at being held. One, however, only a few months old, was quite happy to be held and cradled. He made a shimmering, soft, purring sound as I held him against my chest and stroked his fur. He also started chewing on the earpiece of my glasses, which were in my shirt pocket.
While the crew were busy setting and focusing the cameras and lights on the guinea pig cages, the rodents were endlessly entertaining—chasing each other round the pen, scratching and grooming in their high speed ways, yawning and stretching and whistling-- in short, being all a guinea pig can be. Yet, when “action” was called, they all sat there, quietly chewing, resting, doing nothing at all. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I heard the Michigan J. Frog song from the old Warner’s cartoons “ Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my ragtime gal.”
I suspect very little of my close-ups will be usable from this day’s shooting. My left eye inexplicably swelled up a few days before shooting—looks like Rocky after the fight. Dunno why. Probably pink-eye, which is going round Columbus, or so I hear. Though the eyeball itself isn’t red, but the lid is badly swollen and rimmed with red along the lash line. I used what makeup I could, but it looked like I had a week old shiner. Sheesh!
Tonight, my dad makes his film debut. He’s an extra in the bar scene, and will get to be in a bar fight. I told the directors he is uniquely qualified for this role. He is very excited—I warned him that there will be lots of waiting, but he said that was OK, he was interested in watching the process. There was talk that someone would be leering at a girl, which starts the fight. Dad reeeaaally wants to be the leerer.
I wish I could be there to see it all—but I have a medical procedure (ok, it’s a colonoscopy) in the morning, which requires the usual preamble of fasting and laxatives and misery, so no visiting the set for me. He was really hoping I’d come down for it, and we’d go golfing on Friday. But I’ll be anticipating quite a different kind of hole-in-one. OK, TMI…moving on…
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
mark's aphorism
Was watching a show tonight in which a character said he wanted to "die on his own terms", and I got to thinking...no one ever really dies on their own terms, do they? They died on the best terms they could get that day. And the terms get worse and worse.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Slightly Unfocused Political Ramblings
Ok, it is time someone said it—bi-partisanship is dead, Mr. Obama. I appreciate the attempt, but the fact is, no one wants it. Not really. You were elected to lead. Your party was elected in a sweeping rejection of Republican ideas, ideals, and practices. They are on the refuse heap, politically, for perhaps a generation (more likely just a few election cycles). Keep them there, Mr. President. They have no leaders, not one. When a party sees as its standard-bearer a bloviating radio commentator like Rush Limbaugh, it has officially, terminally, and in a way, sadly, bottomed out. And when a newt like Bobby Jindal is seen as the next Great Brown Hope, well, my dear elephants, in the words of the great Harold Hill, “ Ya Got Trouble.”
Of the last 28 years, Republicans have held the White House for 20 of them. Of the last 15 years, they have controlled Congress for all but three of them. And look where we have come:
Internationally hated (at most) or disrespected (at least) by countries who were nominally our allies. Torture as policy. Civil liberties bent over the table and rogered senseless. A lack of transparency in governmental affairs so pervasive it makes the Nixon years seem like a hippy vegetable co-op. Domestically—need I say more?
Yet the Republicans seem to blame the Democrats for it all. I laugh whenever I hear this, but it is a bitter laugh. Remember how every problem during the Reagan and Bush I years were blamed on Jimmy Carter’s measly four little years? How the Bushies blamed their malfeasances on Clinton? I have heard, recently, Republicans blaming part of the country’s ills on the Clinton years. Ha! Last time I looked-- while stipulating to the personal douchebaggery that has always been a blight on the Clinton terms-- the nation’s economy in those years was strong, the federal budget was balanced, and there were no foreign wars. Former (and boy do I love using THAT word) Vice President Cheney, in a recent interview, performed a most amazing reverse backward jackknife and double somersault dive in the pool of “what the fuck???” by laying most problems America is facing either on Clinton’s doorstep, or on Obama’s. He forgot a certain period of time that occurred, oh, let’s see, between 2000-2008. The man, obviously a student of the Big Lie, knows if you say it loud enough and often enough, it creates an echo, and people start to think they’ve heard it from several places, when in fact it is coming from one source. That’s the way he ran his own secret intelligence shop. One piece of raw intel, repeated endlessly until it began to sound like a whole host of buzz. And then you end up with “yellow cake from Niger.”
Mr. Obama, you’ve only been in office for some 40 days. I appreciate the tone you’ve tried to set. But the Repubs are incapable of gratitude. And really, they can’t be seen as grateful. That would make them seem ballless to Rush Limbaugh. So they have to continue along in their tone-deaf way, rejecting any attempt at economic stimulus as “tax and spend”, which, when you think about it, is a far more responsible way to do government business than “cut taxes and spend”, which is what the recent 8 years of Republican rule accomplished. I think every time a Republican legislator says that phrase, someone should hold them up to the light (and I promise you by doing so they will cast no shadow). Someone should say, “ You, advocating fiscal responsibility??? PLEEASE!”
Soon now, Al Franken will be installed as the Democratic Senator from Minnesota. And the Dems will have 59 votes. 1 vote away from the 60 needed to stifle Republican stall tactics. And I think it will be fairly easy to sway 1 Republican. Easier than if you had to sway a few, though common sense would suggest the opposite. With one guy to get, all you do is say, “ I have one bridge in the budget…, who wants a new bridge in his state? Anyone? A new hospital, named for him?” And the ones who were too slow? Well, their hometown papers will get many stories about how their guy wasn’t taking care of business. Names should be named.
Lately, it’s been reported that Repubs who voted against the spending bill are now touting the projects that are coming to their districts. They are claiming that they’ve been bringing home the bacon. Maybe I am missing something here. These guys put in earmarks for their people, then voted AGAINST the bill, then brag about how they got money for local projects?? Isn’t that sort of like seeing that your kid needs an inhaler, but you refuse to take him to the doctor for it, and then your neighbor hears about your kid and buys the inhaler for him, and then you take credit for making it happen. I know the shame meter is pretty low in Washington, but goddamn!
Mr. Obama, it’s time to take off the gloves. Be ruthless. Demonize the demons and reward the Republican quislings. Frame the debate as a referendum on Americanism. The Repubs have behaved in a most un-American way—shafting the people in favor of the greed of the few, pre-emptive wars, trampling on the Bill of Rights—what’s more un-American than that? Get messy, sir. Get your hair mussed. Your hero Lincoln, and your other one, FDR, were masters at it. Offering discredited thinking a place at the table is irresponsible. At what point do you imagine they are going to come around? Sad to say, but some dogs can’t be rehabilitated. Some dogs are too damaged, and have to be put down. You don’t have to like it. But that’s why you get the sort of big bucks.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Sonny as Optimist
My 5 year old Golden Retriever Sonny is the definition of optimism. I was watching him sleep earlier, twitching, making baby noises, and then suddenly his tail started wagging, and it thumped so hard it woke him up, and he rose and trotted to find me sitting at the kitchen table, and laid his head on my lap for a scratch. He wakes wagging, sure it's going to be a great day of head-scratching and "good dogs." He never ever wakes up like me, bleary, first words of the day something like " oh fuck."
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Dollar a year
I was shocked to learn that Vikram Pandit at Citigroup and Edward Liddy at AIG have pledged to forgo their huge salaries and serve as $1.00 a year CEOs. The question I have is, how are they going to support their families on a dollar a year? That's insane! Now, I'm not much of a mathematician (or philosopher, or scientist or cosmetologist--I'm not much of a scholar at all, really, just an English major) but even I can see that when you factor in food, gas, water, electric, rent, high-speed internet, Netflix subscription, limo service, and haircuts, $1.00 just isn't going to get it done. Are these men insane? Even it was a dollar a week, something is going to have to give.
It's obvious their kids are going to have to drop out of school and find work to help support the family. When your dad only makes a dollar a year, you have to do your part to chip in. The younger kids could hold bake sales and erect roadside lemonade stands. Mom could take in laundry from the other tenants at the Dakota, as well as from their summer neighbors in the Hamptons.
Not to belabor the obvious here, but just think about how far you'd have to stretch the whole dollar a year thing: there are 52 weeks in a year. It's a complex formula, so try to follow along here--52 into a dollar is...ok, say he was making $1.04 a year. That's 2 cents a week. And there is state, federal, city, Social Security, and FDIC deductions from that. Oh, and health insurance. That's probably 30% of his pay. 30% from 2 cents is...that's going to be at least...you know, I bet it would be more like a 50% bite when you think about it. So these guys are going to be left with a penny a week. Hardly worth cashing the check, but of course, these guys probably have automatic deposit.
I remember, when I was 8, I made a dollar a week in allowance. That's 52 times the salary of the CEOs of two multinational corporations! And that was a 1967 dollar! And I had to feed the dogs and take out the trash-- and maintain a C average in school! The pressure was unrelenting. I remember never making it to Friday with any money left. Too much week, not enough dollar.
Maybe these guys could get a part-time job to fill the hole--something in the 2-3 million dollar a year range. But those jobs are hard to come by. I myself have had no luck even getting an interview for one of those jobs. But then, I live in Ohio. I bet the New York Times has tons of those jobs in their Help Wanted section.
Hats off to Messrs. Pandit and Liddy. I've been there. I know they'll make it through, somehow!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Mark-ology (or rather, Mark-opathy
Questions from a Facebook Note:
What is your salad dressing of choice?
You mean you get a choice? I just always get Ranch, so the waitress won’t hate me.
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Don’t know that I have a favorite—the ones I used to like are all gone now—I like Cap City Diner, because my doctor’s office is next door, so if I get a bad clam, he’s just a jog away.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Pretty much anything with gravy on it…
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Meats and more meats
How many televisions are in your house?
Three—and there are only two of us in the house…
What color cell phone do you have?
silver
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
tonsils, wisdom teeth, gall bladder, heel spurs, polyps, tumors—racking up quite a pile-I wear them in a medallion around my neck like Eric Estrada did his son’s umbilical cord
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Well, this morning when I went to the bathroom…no no…won’t go there…actually, it would be a 4x8 platform, which is why I am eating Aleve today…
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A few times…when I was a kid, I rolled off the top bunk and landed on my head, and spent a few days in the hospital…in college, I was playing a pickup game of tackle football, and faded back to throw a pass, and woke up on the sideline with my brother looking in my face saying “ Man, your eyes are red”—I was hit hi/lo and dumped on my head…had a mild concussion from that, but played in the 2nd half anyway, seeing triple, and trying to tackle the guy in the middle…
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Who says I don’t already? My birth certificate has an expiration date.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Yes, it would be Marc Mann
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
Yes—hell I’d do it for another bottle of hot sauce…
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
50 year old men who wear flipflops deserve our scorn
Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
I have had a few contretemps with the Highway Patrol over the years, but as a former cop myself, I don’t consider them cops—they’re just taillight chasers. My beefs with them probably arise from the undisguised contempt with which I treat them.
Last person you talked to?
Dani, obviously. Other than that, I would have to say the clerk at the Certified station, though I don’t know if “ Pall Malls” “ Credit or debit?” “ Credit” “ Thank you” “ mmmph” counts as scintillating conversation.
Last person you hugged?
Dani. Other than her, I try to keep the hugs down to a minimum.
Favorite season(s)?
Spring, summer
Holiday?
Christmas, fourth of July
Day of the week?
Friday
Month(s)?
June
Missing someone?
Not much these days
Mood?
My mood ring says mellow.
What are you listening to?
My Golden Retriever making Scooby noises.
Watching?
Just finished watching Breaking Bad.
Worrying about?
My summer plans…everything is still up in the air…
First place you went this morning?
Certified Station for weeds.
What's the last movie you saw?
At the theater it was Doubt—other than that, I watched Watchmen online a few nights ago.
Do you smile often?
I think I smile all the time, but I’m told I don’t. There used to be an actor in town who did an impression of me directing a comedy--he'd stand there with his arms crossed, scowling, as if watching a bit of comic business, , and then say " Hmph--keep it" and walk on...
Do you always answer your phone?
I rarely answer the phone.
Favorite on-line game?
Don’t play them much to have a favorite.
Its 4 a.m. and you get a text message, who is it?
My brother Erich, who will send me a pic of himself on the beach in Florida—usually when its snowing here….
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Can you ask for Bourbon?
Do you own a digital camera?
Yes
Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yes. When I was a bachelor. That’s what bachelors do, they raise fish. When I got married, I broke up with my fish.
What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Too far away to start with wishes.
Can you do push ups?
Only if there’s a bet involved, or, you know, a bottle of hot sauce.
Can you do a chin up?
I think, to be accurate, you’d have to call em “chins up”
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
I notice “dread” wasn’t one of the choices.
Do you have any saved texts?
No
Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes—the last one was in the late 80s, driving a Chevy POS van whose brakes went out, and I screeched into an intersection, was t-boned by a station wagon, and driven into oncoming traffic and where I hit some little Japanese car head-on, and walked away without a scratch. I had expired tags on the van, and an expired drivers license, had run the red light, and when the cop came, I invoked the brotherhood of all former and present policemen, and got off with just a $75 red light ticket, which I paid quite prompty.
Do you have an accent?
When I was a kid in southern Ohio, people thought I was from NY…when we moved to northern Ohio, they thought I was a “hilligan”. So I guess I am in the middle somewhere, though the Appalachian comes out when I am tired.
What is the last song to make you cry?
Watched a clip of a little English girl singing Ave Maria for some Britain’s Got Talent show, and got verklempft
Plans tonight?
Going to see Dani’s show, and as usual when I am at a musical, take out my program and check off each song. I do this when I go to church too—“ Ok, we’ve done the first reading from the bible, sang the hymn…what’s next…let’s keep this thing moving, people”
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
I’ve not only hit rock bottom, I’ve bounced from the impact and hit it again.
Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Groceries, cigarettes, gas
Have you ever been given roses?
Yes (eyes rolling, give me something that doesn't die in a day)
Current hate right now?
Currently pretty pissed at the Dispatch downsizing of arts reporters, but there are so many other hates I am nuturing…it's a full day of hatred...
Met someone who changed your life?
Dani gentled me. But really, everyone changes your life in subtle ways. Each person is a chip on the stone that results in the sculpture of who you are. Yuck, how wussy was that!
How did you bring in the new year?
At home, making fun of Dick Clark, and realizing I have reserved a spot in hell for doing so…
What song represents you?
Dunno, I should commission a theme song…it would have to be driving and upbeat, like a theme to a 70s detective show, and I would walk into rooms and vault over a chair.
Name three people who might complete this?
Al McClintock, Tim Browning, and Lori Cannon…and all three will do it screaming and kicking ☺
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Only if I could bring collectibles back with me—I’d like to go to Ford’s Theatre in April 1865, and suggest to Lincoln that he stay in and rent a few videos instead…
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
A few much longer than a year. A few for a year that seemed much longer than a year.
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
Unless Dani wises up, yes.
Does anyone love you?
Yes, though I wonder sometimes how in God’s name is that possible…I’m no picnic…
Would you be a pirate?
A video pirate, maybe, but that’s about it.
What songs do you sing in the shower?
I am embarrassed to admit that more often I recite soliloquies in the shower. My soapy Othello is currently a long running hit…
Ever had someone sing to you?
Yes
When did you last cry?
Actual card-carrying, snot running crying? Other than as MacDuff last summer, I can’t remember a real weeper lately. But I get verklepmft daily.
Do you like to cuddle?
Yes, but I can’t sit still long. Like a cat that way. Other ways I am like a cat is that I'll sit on the TV and stare at you.
Have you held hands with anyone today?
Not yet
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
A bunch of the kids at Coffman after Scapino closed…
What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
My dad’s records, which were folkie stuff like the Chad Mitchell Trio, and for some reason, march music…I can still hum the Stars and Stripes Forever, every note, including the piccolo…I also had a 45 of She Loves You by the Beatles that I played the grooves off...
Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Actually, a nice stew of both
Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Ack! No! Each morning I pour half a glass of juice, and fill it the rest of the way with water to thin it out, and listen to Dani saying over and over “ Drink your juice!”
What is something your friends make fun of you for?
There is absolutely nothing I do that is mock-worthy, goddamnit!
Have you ever ridden a on an elephant?
No, and wouldn’t if I were offered. No point whatsoever in doing it.
What are you saving your money up for right now?
Saving? Did you say saving? SAVING???
When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Last week. Oh yeah, I am saving up money to buy REAL FOOD...
What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Reading my American Heritage magazine…yes, Ann, I know what you are thinking...
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
“ Shit…Saigon…I’m still in Saigon…”
What is your salad dressing of choice?
You mean you get a choice? I just always get Ranch, so the waitress won’t hate me.
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Don’t know that I have a favorite—the ones I used to like are all gone now—I like Cap City Diner, because my doctor’s office is next door, so if I get a bad clam, he’s just a jog away.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Pretty much anything with gravy on it…
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Meats and more meats
How many televisions are in your house?
Three—and there are only two of us in the house…
What color cell phone do you have?
silver
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
tonsils, wisdom teeth, gall bladder, heel spurs, polyps, tumors—racking up quite a pile-I wear them in a medallion around my neck like Eric Estrada did his son’s umbilical cord
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Well, this morning when I went to the bathroom…no no…won’t go there…actually, it would be a 4x8 platform, which is why I am eating Aleve today…
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A few times…when I was a kid, I rolled off the top bunk and landed on my head, and spent a few days in the hospital…in college, I was playing a pickup game of tackle football, and faded back to throw a pass, and woke up on the sideline with my brother looking in my face saying “ Man, your eyes are red”—I was hit hi/lo and dumped on my head…had a mild concussion from that, but played in the 2nd half anyway, seeing triple, and trying to tackle the guy in the middle…
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Who says I don’t already? My birth certificate has an expiration date.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Yes, it would be Marc Mann
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
Yes—hell I’d do it for another bottle of hot sauce…
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
50 year old men who wear flipflops deserve our scorn
Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
I have had a few contretemps with the Highway Patrol over the years, but as a former cop myself, I don’t consider them cops—they’re just taillight chasers. My beefs with them probably arise from the undisguised contempt with which I treat them.
Last person you talked to?
Dani, obviously. Other than that, I would have to say the clerk at the Certified station, though I don’t know if “ Pall Malls” “ Credit or debit?” “ Credit” “ Thank you” “ mmmph” counts as scintillating conversation.
Last person you hugged?
Dani. Other than her, I try to keep the hugs down to a minimum.
Favorite season(s)?
Spring, summer
Holiday?
Christmas, fourth of July
Day of the week?
Friday
Month(s)?
June
Missing someone?
Not much these days
Mood?
My mood ring says mellow.
What are you listening to?
My Golden Retriever making Scooby noises.
Watching?
Just finished watching Breaking Bad.
Worrying about?
My summer plans…everything is still up in the air…
First place you went this morning?
Certified Station for weeds.
What's the last movie you saw?
At the theater it was Doubt—other than that, I watched Watchmen online a few nights ago.
Do you smile often?
I think I smile all the time, but I’m told I don’t. There used to be an actor in town who did an impression of me directing a comedy--he'd stand there with his arms crossed, scowling, as if watching a bit of comic business, , and then say " Hmph--keep it" and walk on...
Do you always answer your phone?
I rarely answer the phone.
Favorite on-line game?
Don’t play them much to have a favorite.
Its 4 a.m. and you get a text message, who is it?
My brother Erich, who will send me a pic of himself on the beach in Florida—usually when its snowing here….
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Can you ask for Bourbon?
Do you own a digital camera?
Yes
Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yes. When I was a bachelor. That’s what bachelors do, they raise fish. When I got married, I broke up with my fish.
What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Too far away to start with wishes.
Can you do push ups?
Only if there’s a bet involved, or, you know, a bottle of hot sauce.
Can you do a chin up?
I think, to be accurate, you’d have to call em “chins up”
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
I notice “dread” wasn’t one of the choices.
Do you have any saved texts?
No
Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes—the last one was in the late 80s, driving a Chevy POS van whose brakes went out, and I screeched into an intersection, was t-boned by a station wagon, and driven into oncoming traffic and where I hit some little Japanese car head-on, and walked away without a scratch. I had expired tags on the van, and an expired drivers license, had run the red light, and when the cop came, I invoked the brotherhood of all former and present policemen, and got off with just a $75 red light ticket, which I paid quite prompty.
Do you have an accent?
When I was a kid in southern Ohio, people thought I was from NY…when we moved to northern Ohio, they thought I was a “hilligan”. So I guess I am in the middle somewhere, though the Appalachian comes out when I am tired.
What is the last song to make you cry?
Watched a clip of a little English girl singing Ave Maria for some Britain’s Got Talent show, and got verklempft
Plans tonight?
Going to see Dani’s show, and as usual when I am at a musical, take out my program and check off each song. I do this when I go to church too—“ Ok, we’ve done the first reading from the bible, sang the hymn…what’s next…let’s keep this thing moving, people”
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
I’ve not only hit rock bottom, I’ve bounced from the impact and hit it again.
Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Groceries, cigarettes, gas
Have you ever been given roses?
Yes (eyes rolling, give me something that doesn't die in a day)
Current hate right now?
Currently pretty pissed at the Dispatch downsizing of arts reporters, but there are so many other hates I am nuturing…it's a full day of hatred...
Met someone who changed your life?
Dani gentled me. But really, everyone changes your life in subtle ways. Each person is a chip on the stone that results in the sculpture of who you are. Yuck, how wussy was that!
How did you bring in the new year?
At home, making fun of Dick Clark, and realizing I have reserved a spot in hell for doing so…
What song represents you?
Dunno, I should commission a theme song…it would have to be driving and upbeat, like a theme to a 70s detective show, and I would walk into rooms and vault over a chair.
Name three people who might complete this?
Al McClintock, Tim Browning, and Lori Cannon…and all three will do it screaming and kicking ☺
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Only if I could bring collectibles back with me—I’d like to go to Ford’s Theatre in April 1865, and suggest to Lincoln that he stay in and rent a few videos instead…
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
A few much longer than a year. A few for a year that seemed much longer than a year.
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
Unless Dani wises up, yes.
Does anyone love you?
Yes, though I wonder sometimes how in God’s name is that possible…I’m no picnic…
Would you be a pirate?
A video pirate, maybe, but that’s about it.
What songs do you sing in the shower?
I am embarrassed to admit that more often I recite soliloquies in the shower. My soapy Othello is currently a long running hit…
Ever had someone sing to you?
Yes
When did you last cry?
Actual card-carrying, snot running crying? Other than as MacDuff last summer, I can’t remember a real weeper lately. But I get verklepmft daily.
Do you like to cuddle?
Yes, but I can’t sit still long. Like a cat that way. Other ways I am like a cat is that I'll sit on the TV and stare at you.
Have you held hands with anyone today?
Not yet
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
A bunch of the kids at Coffman after Scapino closed…
What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
My dad’s records, which were folkie stuff like the Chad Mitchell Trio, and for some reason, march music…I can still hum the Stars and Stripes Forever, every note, including the piccolo…I also had a 45 of She Loves You by the Beatles that I played the grooves off...
Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Actually, a nice stew of both
Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Ack! No! Each morning I pour half a glass of juice, and fill it the rest of the way with water to thin it out, and listen to Dani saying over and over “ Drink your juice!”
What is something your friends make fun of you for?
There is absolutely nothing I do that is mock-worthy, goddamnit!
Have you ever ridden a on an elephant?
No, and wouldn’t if I were offered. No point whatsoever in doing it.
What are you saving your money up for right now?
Saving? Did you say saving? SAVING???
When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Last week. Oh yeah, I am saving up money to buy REAL FOOD...
What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Reading my American Heritage magazine…yes, Ann, I know what you are thinking...
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
“ Shit…Saigon…I’m still in Saigon…”
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